Dwarves, morgues, assholes and hymens

·  Dear The Bloggess:  There are zombies, lurking in the basement of our local hospital and when I uploaded the photos I had taken of them, I discovered that I had accidentally photographed a UFO as well *SIGH* It never rains but it pours. Cheers, Kim

At the hospital that I used to work at, the cafeteria was in the basement, right next to the morgue.  Every time I saw a cafeteria worker pushing a covered cart I always assumed it was actually a morgue worker pushing a body but in disguise so it wouldn’t freak out all the patients.  One of my coworkers was all “Those trays are tiny, dude.  You couldn’t fit a whole body on there” and I’m all “Well, maybe they do it in pieces.  Or maybe it’s a dwarf.  Dwarves die too, you know”.  I forgot what your question was but yes, morgues are totally creepy and dwarves are not immortal.

·  Ok, here's one for you... I dated a guy last year who broke up with me. Twice. Now he's shown up again. He says that the reason he hasn't been able to stay in a relationship in the past is because he suffers from erectile dysfunction (boy does he ever), and the stress and frustration involved make him bolt. He says he wants to try again, this time while getting therapy/counseling/prescriptions, etc. Should I chance it? Looking forward to your advice! ~ Tango.Morin

So he broke up with you twice and he can’t get it up and he needs therapy.  Wow.  How is this guy not already taken?  You should totally take him back so he can stab your sister and cheat on you with your brother.

·  I think I just coined a new word, but I am not sure and I knew that you would be able to help me. The word is "hymenate" which means "to restore the semblance of virginity." I really have no use for such a word, I doubt that I will ever use it conversationally, I also doubt that anyone else would ever have reason to speak it or write it and I do not know why I made it up since virgins are one of my least favorite classes. I mean I like them all right, but they're not good for much when it comes to fleshalism. ----THERE!---I did it again!! "Fleshalism." Heh. "The action of sexualizers" = "fleshalism." Sexualizers!!" Another one!!! I don't need no stinking Webster's... ....do I? I guess that's my question: do I? ~ RDC

Negatory.  Making up words is good for the world.  Like last week I made up the word "juggernaut" and now it's totally being used by fucking everyone.  Except they're totally using it wrong.  It means "Astronaut-Juggler".  It's pretty obvious when you think about it.