This post is fascinating *and* educational

Dear Bloggess, You did not answer my question about whether enjoying TLC shows about deformed people/mutants makes me a bad person. Please answer at your earliest convenience... or I shall be forced to watch more television shows about terribly short, tall, limbless, faceless, and/or lesion-covered people. ~ Mermanda

Dear Mermanda, When I was in sixth grade I watched that Faces of Death movie where they hit a monkey with a hammer and ate its brain.  I don’t know what that has to do with limbless people but it should make you feel better about yourself since no monkeys die in those TLC shows.  Except that after I wrote this I just looked up Faces of Death on the internet and turns out that whole monkey beating scene was fake.  So basically I think that means I’m better than you.  Except that I totally watch all of those TLC shows too.  Like the one with the two girls that only had one body?  That was kinda fucked-up.  Except if you say “that was fascinating and educational” people will judge you less. 

·  Ok, here goes. I'm a funny, smart, witty and reasonably charming gal. I'm 29, with a college degree, a stable family, promising job and I shower every day (usually). I even take the time to slap on some makeup and make myself look nice when I go out in public. The problem? I'm eternally single. Never had a significant relationship, never had a man tell me he loved me, never lived with anyone. I have tons of friends, a lot are male, and I have no problem connecting with them. What's the deal? Why can't I find a guy who wants me as a woman and not just a friend? Everyone says "be patient, just be social and be yourself," blah blah blah. Well fuck that! It hasn't worked and I'm pushing 30. This is getting ridiculous. I'm not asking for a proposal, I just want someone to regularly cuddle with that doesn't purr or have whiskers. I'm toeing some serious cat-lady waters. ~  Lindsay

Okay, someone has to be the crazy cat lady but that doesn’t mean it has to be you.  29 is the new 22 so you’re still totally fine.   Plus, all the guys who got married when you actually were 22 are now going throught their first divorce so they are back on the market.  But now it’s a market filled with broken, recently divorced men so be careful.  Maybe get a dog. 

Dear Bloggess: My horoscope keeps saying stuff like, "And you might want to start giving a little thought to looking into some new career opportunities for yourself," and "You should just make sure that you take advantage of any positive new job opportunities that could be available to you right now." I personally think horoscopes are bullshit, but I'm starting to get a little weirded out by how persistent they are this month. Am I getting fired, or what? Thanks bye. ~ Shelley

Okay, I just went to get my online horoscope so I could prove to you how totally wrong they always are and mine says “There's not a whole lot going on under the surface today -- at least, not as far as you're concerned!”  What the fuck does that mean?  I’m pretty sure they just called me shallow.  Those people are assholes, Shelley.