How to repel strange men who want to make babies with you

·  Dear Bloggess, My sister is taking summer classes at a local college. This one guy from her swimming class keeps talking to her when she is trying to eat lunch in between her classes. Today he told her he has three daughters and a son living across the country from him and then asked her if she would like to have a child with him. I kid you not. At the end of the conversation he asked her if they were officially going out. She weakly declined saying that she isn't interested in dating right now. How can she get rid of this creep-o?~ MySisterHasNoBackbone

She needs to tell him that she’s not allowed around children or people who have children because of "the restraining order" and then just walk away and it wouldn’t matter even if he repeats that to someone else because clearly he’s crazy and people wouldn’t believe him.  And if he keeps trying to talk to her she needs to say “Mmmm…I can smell children” and then walk off.  Sometimes you have to out-crazy them.

·  Dear Bloggess, I'm a 23 year old gay male. I have been single for a year now after getting out of a horrible and verbally abusive relationship that lasted for 2 years, which was 2 years too long. I have tried dating a few other guys (not all at the same time because I'm not a skanky man whore), but nothing seems to last. One guy told me I was perfect for him, but he didn't have the spark and I offered to light him on fire. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Going straight is not an option because cooter scares me. Do you have any advice to attract the hot gay men? ~Jeff

Jeff, I have no idea but I accidentally attract hot gay men like crazy-cakes.  I think it’s because I can sing the entire score to Wicked and also because I have really bad hair and they always want to fix it.  Maybe fuck up your hair a bit to use it as a trap?  

PS.  Wasn't "Cooter" the deputy on the Dukes of Hazzard?  Why is he scaring you into staying gay?  That seems threatening.  You should never let anyone scare you into being straight *or* gay.  Especially a fictional '70's cop.  Because he doesn't actually exist.

·  Dear The Bloggess, I don't enjoy having sex with my well-endowed and well-motioned spouse. Why is that? He's damn good at it - really, really good to where I could pimp him out and make lots of cash off his talents - and I'm only 30. Could I possibly be frigid? Should I ask my gyn if there may be some chemical imbalance or something? I'm very sure I only have the hots for men. What gives that I can get by happily on sex only three times a month? ~ Lisa

It’s probably your anti-depressants.  They do that to me too sometimes.  You should try drinking more.  Or if you aren’t on anti-depressants your lowered sex drive might be caused by depression.  You should try anti-depressants.  Or maybe a combination of booze and anti-depressants.  Check with your doctor first but I'm pretty sure he'll be with me on this one.