Apparently you actually *can* be too good at blow jobs.

·  Dear Bloggess:  Is it cruel to kill lobsters so I can steal their claws and then make them mechanised and pinch my friends with remote-controlled dead lobster claws? ~ Raz

More like it’s cruel not to.  Mechanized lobster claws sound awesome.  Use your gifts, my friend.  But you should check first to make sure your friends don’t have some severe shellfish allergy because if someone dies after you pinch them with your remote-controlled lobster claws you’re totally going down for murder.  Or maybe voluntary manslaughter.  Depends on how good your lawyer is probably.  You should probably get your friends to sign some kind of waiver first.

·  Dear Blogess: I love giving head. I love it alot. I love it more than the guys I have given head to in the past. I'm really good at it, too. My problem is that my boyfriend (along with every guy ever) has come to EXPECT really awesome head every time I want sex. I don't see this as a fair trade off. My question is how can I continue to enjoy giving head without setting guys up to expect it without sacrificing any sex? ~ Hetter

I'm going to let you in on a little secret…everyone who gives blow jobs is good at it.  Because there’s no such thing as a bad blowjob. From what I’ve heard.  And even if you suck at it (no pun intended) your boyfriend will still say you’re awesome because that’s how they get you to do it longer.  It’s just a horrible trap.  And that’s actually fine as long as you’re getting something out of it too.  Like maybe claim that you can’t get properly aroused unless you watch someone clean out your garage while you eat onion rings.  That’s totally worth a good blowjob.

·  Dear awesome Bloggess AKA Jenny, I'm a 19 year old, 1st semester girl sophomore in college. Thing is, I don't know what I want to do with my life. And I'm not sure the whole college thing is working for me. O great, wise Jenny, what could I do with my life that wouldn't land me in jail, a mental hospital, addicted to any substances, or an STD-ridden prostitute? ((Preferably something legal)) If possible, I'd also like to dis-include babies, 'cuz they smell funny. ~ Mari

Mari, if I could talk to my 19 year old self I’d tell her to be more confident, that flossing is a waste of time, and to become a ninja.  Being a ninja is probably the best job ever because you never hear any of them complaining about it.  Also, if you get bored or want a vacation you can just disappear for a few weeks to the tropics and everyone just thinks you’re being a kick-ass ninja because you’re so fucking invisible.  Then demand a raise from whoever-it-is-that-pays-you-to-be-a-ninja.  You’ve totally earned it.